When Life Gives You Lemons

When life gives you LEMONS, make lemonade!! NOPE! not for me... What do i make? i make ice cubes out of it. Why ICE CUBES? simple. So that when i do feel like crap, i just put the ice cube on any previous wounds that are still healing and all my PAIN will transfer to the wound. Either that or i just become SUICIDAL... it works both ways.

I know, i know, it doesn't make any sense for me to be such a depressed kid. I'm still YOUNG, ALIVE and i have many things to achieve in the golden years ahead.... Well, BULLSHIT!! I might be 15 but i've gone just as enough crap as a 30 year old would have. Yea, i'm a spoilt kid, i get whatever i want and i basically have a nice family background. But everybody, has their own SECRETS. i'm sick and TIRED of what people want me to be, what i think i'm SUPPOSE to be. I don't want that. I want to be ME. But no, the question is, WHAT exactly is me?

I WISH THAT THERE WAS SOMEONE WHO COULD JUST SIT BESIDE ME, HOLD MY HAND AND TELL ME THAT EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT... ...

Basically, the only time whereby i feel like MYSELF is when i'm alone, torturing myself.... Want to know the FUNNY part? I can't bear to see me hurt myself but i WANT to do it so badly. I never really did understand WHY i got myself like this. Maybe its because i have to KEEP being this particular person when DEEP DOWN inside i know i can't live up to it. But i still TRY. When i'm alone, I feel really lonely and HURT but yet i have this sense of HAPPINESS and SECURITY. its the ONLY time i get to be me: hurt myself but not really seeing it, just feeling the pain.

Yes, i have friends, family and all that kind of people to help me get through this but sometimes, i just want to be heard and SOMETIMES, i wish that there was someone who could just be my listener. They don't have to solve my problems, just listen.